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Doors of perception

 
Who is taller?


Our world is just raw material. Something as bloody intangible as perception makes finished products out of it. What is reality then?
Is reality a constant or is it a customized commodity packed to confuse the hell out of every individual?


'If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear as it is- infinnite' William Blake

What is fear for instance? I am scared of supernatural things. And at this point in life when there is no electricity in my house when I am alone it is really not a great idea to write .
Considering I missed being almost neurotic by one point in personality testing class.
HOWever, when i look around my house , it is the same things I see , just subtract the light.
The sofa, my slippers lying haphazardly ,the bottle of lotion with the cap almost not shut. Yet, a small creak outside the house causes unnessecary depletion of adrenalin from my system. I have obviously been gradually conditioned , tortured to believe that dark is scary.





When you have preconceived notions about something , no matter what signals you receive , you understand a situation in tandem with what notions you already have.
When I think about this , it makes sense to me. When I blog about it I have an inkling of dooubt creeping in. Do i make sense?
You on the other hand could probably think I am a retard.
AAAAH!perception. 

Sunday checklist

To think about:future

To learn : to say no to people

To get : Driving license


To use better: Camera

To save: money


My random Sunday checklist doesn't have any relevance to your lives bu tI will post it for my sake.

The world's oldest profession

A prostitute to her daughter - K. Satchidanandan


Dear child, say without shame
that I am your mother
and this city is your father.
Go, tell the chaste wives,
I teach their men how to love.

I offered myself
in place of a thousand women,
and became a saint.

Man, my child, is endless Desire,
you should cross that sea
the way I rose above my body.

Raise your head;
be my survivor, grow to be great.
You should have a tryst with tomorrow:
you should see the sun
that I could not.

I do not want to weep before Jesus
nor do I want Upagupta to weep before me.
Every night I turn red hot,
every morning I become gold.

I conquered lust;
you should transcend greed.
We are the bountiful Earth
and we, the giving Nature.


(Translated from Malayalam by the poet with Rizio Raj)
R was doing a project on violence against sex workers. I went with her to a dingy little room in K.R market, a group of sex workers working against HIV chatted with us there. On their profession, the challenges, the ostracization, life.



From Rio to Rome, from Dakar to Darwin, laws on prostitution are illogical and contradictory. They reflect the confusion felt by lawyers and by the general public about work so clearly connected with sex.

An estimated three million women do sex work in about 400 red light areas in India, approximately 30 per cent are children; a majority are dalits and tribals - issue.

‘My husband doesn't know I am a sex worker. I work by day and go back home by night. I tell him I am working in an NGO spreading awareness about AIDS'.

'My children are made fun of because I am a prostitute. They resent me.'

'Legalization will expose our secrets to an unaccepting society.'

'I hadn't heard about HIV, condoms, AIDS even years after joining the profession.'

'I am much better off living this life, earning a living than in my husbands house where I was beaten up, and our earnings were used for alcohol. My daughter is in the second year of Bsc . I can't afford it anymore. Tell me what opportunities she has.'


'At least now I have this support group of other sex workers. It helps me deal with it.'

'You are paid less when you insist they wear a condom. Out of four fifty rupees, I am left with hundred. The rest goes to the lodge owner, the police or the 'pimp'.'

The 'pimp' refers to the role that is inevitably played by a blackmailing male presence in a society where a man less woman is nothing. To rent a house, they need a man who pretends to be married to them.. Revealing the details of their profession will mean they will be vacated. These men constantly blackmail them and even threaten to break into their house. Hence trapping them into a vicious cycle.

'We can't complain to the police because they will say that we as 'lose women' deserve it. They will go to the other prostitutes when they want sex.'

'I need to drink to forget that I have to sell my body to earn a living.'
'Only they drink. (Disapproving). We are Muslims. We don't drink.'

‘HIV workers don’t care about sex worker welfare.’

'In my next birth I don't want to be born as a woman. That is the worst fate.'

We asked if they would mind alternate employment like sewing, working in a factory etc.
They said that if they were paid at least three thousand five hundred rupees a month, they wouldn't.

'We are sex workers. We are still entitled to a life of dignity.'

(Translated roughly from Hindi and Tamil) Photo from flickr.

Did the planet betray us?

I forgot when it stopped being an urgent thing to do.
When I was a child in Hyderabad , they cut down about seven trees that lined the plot next to our house. They RANDOMLY cut the Jamun tree in my house one day. The wires were causing problems . I was sick upstairs with Malaria then . I wanted to cry.


 








I wanted to grow up and save the environment and become an environmentalist.
I am extremist in loving animals. Nowadays when I think of the unimaginable cruelty meted out to animals everyday I shut the thought out , divert myself and start thinking of something saner.
I used to actually worry about what would happen when all the non renewable resources like coal and petrol got over.I used to consciously use less plastic, paper etc.
Over the years its just been ' why not?' without thinking. It's stopped being an urgent thing to do.
I've been caught up with my own life while doing small things like not going to McDonalds and KFC and putting up with being called an hypocrite.
That logic doesn't make sense . You might as well do SOMETHING and be called names than do NOTHING
One McDonalds beef burger removes for ever from this earth an average kitchen sized area of rainforest.

Last week I went to hear Medha Patkar speak. I was amazed, moved, inspired and ashamed.
I was ashamed of my relative indifference to what is happening in the world . I was ashamed of considering a career in the corporate world to be part of the little drop that defiles the entire ocean with its needs.
It was career confusion again.
Yet when I was at Mango yesterday I wanted that stupid soft grey t shirt that cost a thousand bucks. I told myself that I can afford it when I start earning.

link through chamique

I am 19.I am 19. I am 19 years old.

 


That might sound awfully young to some of you but the fact is I can't bear the thought of not being 19 anymore in a few days.

Because when I think I still think like' when I grow up' or when I think of what I have to do next i quickly run 'maths , english , social studies....' in my mind though I don't do these subjects anymore.
Not like am going to be a grandmother at 20 but still!
Because I have lived so much and done so little and don't know what the hell I want to do with the rest of my life.
I feel so young and am expected to be so old.
And that world that you are unconsciously promised to reach when you 'grow up' doesn't exist.Because I am such a baby and yet I can't deal with how Pipe Dreams: clinical vegetable?!">">dependable,Clinical, intellectual, cynical I seem to have become. 

little moments in a cluttered shared judging public place

 
The street isn't yours.You can't behave like its your bedroom. But there are moments when you are so lost , you lean to the side of the auto and look out , in awe of the cloudy windy weather that Bangalore is blessing us with these days. You sing and you are lost in your own world. Till suddenly you realise people are staring at you like you are weird. You quickly assume the defensive sitting straight, being rigid and attempting to buy your self respect back by typing self importantly on your phone.
These little moments in a cluttered shared judging public place are so beautiful.

Today V and I were walking on the beautiful tree lined road from Cunningham Road towards M.G road singing on the top of our voices. James Blunt and Coldplay type!
Suddenly it was all quiet. I was jolted out of my singing 'reverie'.
ALL the traffic had gone ahead and at that moment it was just V and me on that usually busy road SINGING.
Imagine a traffic less road in this city shocking me so much! 

Is there a cure for cynicism?

 
 
 


More here 

Was at Kodaikanal

  

adorable adorable adorable

 
 
  

Autumn in my neighbourhood

 


This weather is truly incredible. Cloudy and grey and introspection friendly. Just went for a walk.
The yellow leaves falling down Forrest Gump style making me believe I am actually in this British University during autumn walking to my French Literature class. The leaves are a dark dignified green and they cover the street lights . I am sorry to intrude on the imagery. You will however have to subtract the stubborn drone of traffic, the blood and death at K.V chicken shop, the dust from half constructed sites. This is Jayanagar after all ..
I was wishing I had a camera. (That pic wasn't taken today).


I’m always wishing that nowadays. Though when I actually have it I chicken out of taking all the lovely pictures of children laughing, men playing cards , a cow suckling its calf in the middle of the road with a silver building as background.
I chicken out because they might mind being photographed. (not the cow calf duo..) I don't yet know photo ethics.
I must study.
I must do a lot of things.

Ten days of heavy 'internalizing' ahead....

It is that time of the semester when we have those ubiquitous things called university exams.
Now, ever since school, I haven't really written real exams.
University exams are a farce. You go in and are tested on grammar that is second standard level and you write as slowly as possible. If you finish too fast, you'll end up getting bored staring at the yellow walls of college and scared watching other people write pages and pages.
They ask you questions like ' What was the colour of the dress Princess Doro Boro was wearing?' for 8 marks.
How much can you write?
She wore a red dress that had pink frills. (ugly) .She was in a pensive mood . She also wore black shoes.Go on for a page. Take a break to dream about where to eat lunch. Continue.
(I think one is encouraged to plagiarize/ ’internalize’ as much as possible from bad guides. )

Six months later some sheets will be put up on the notice board. These are the results of an exam you have forgotten about.
Needless to say, more often than not, the numbers will have no connection to what you remember having written in the exam. The evaluators who corrected your papers could be non English speaking people sitting in Gulbarga or double PhDs sitting in Frazer town.
It will remain a mystery to you.

Yet, to satisfy and be part of the ( ahem..) system , we go write exams that have questions about how to make notes , write memorandums , dialogues , blah.
Intellectually stimulating eh?

Now when I think of how I consumed a thousand pages of chem in school and managed to get decent marks, I think I might have at some point been intelligent.
University education ruined me, methinks. :)

Living alone

 
 
  

Blank Noise intervention-2

When I was travelling to M.G road, some men in a car blew kisses at me and were screaming. I had the courage to scream back at them. (Quite dramatically, I must add) which made them turn the car and speed off.
I would have never have done this earlier. I would have given them this mild (almost ) dirty look and walked off.





The girl who took part in the Blank Noise intervention was much more confident this time, almost aggressively so . To casually demand SPACE on leching zone, Brigade and M.G roads came naturally.

What we did was stand in the middle of the road in the line and give out testimonials from the blank noise blogathon to those who responded in some way to our gaze.
To reverse the gaze of ‘ starers’ and curious onlookers while handing them out the hand folded copies of the blank noise blogathon testimonials was easy. Some readily took it, some walked ahead, thought for a bit and came back to take it, some didn’t.

Most women were not interested. Some women looked me up and down and looked disgusted.

A lot of girls (college types ) had bemused expressions and were like 'what the hell do they think they are doing? ' .
Two women who asked me what it was all about read the testimonials and seemed interested. One of the women had just experienced 'eve teasing' and the two had been discussing it when I gave them the testimonial.
Another middle aged man read it intently and came and asked me what I wanted. I asked him to 'think about it'.
( I wasn't allowed to engage in conversation with them.)

Most people were extremely curious about what it was all about.

Personally I think it has helped me a lot. WHen I walk on the roads now I am not as rigid and scared as I used to be.




I think however to make a greater impact and to ' transform the nature of the place' we need a LOT of women. As far as eve teasing is concerned M.G road is friendlier .
Brigade road is narrower and gives ample opportunity for anonymous gropers to get away with whatever!
And if these interventions are carried out more often, it is going to make people think. The same people frequent these places: Brigade Road, M.G road, Majestic bus stand etc.


Apart from everything else it is interesting to stand on a street you walk on so often and observe people. It makes you realise how diverse Bangalore is and eavesdropping on the variety of conversations is fun. :)

okaaaaaaay then!

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Black Comedy

In your life, things are so twisted that you just have to laugh.You may end up insane, but you'll have fun on the way to the asylum. Your best movie matches: Being John Malkovich, The Royal Tenenbaums, American Psycho

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

Marketing Strategies for elections-Unit 1

An election ,like everything else that involves power and money and people needs some sort of marketing strategy.
It needs to recognize a target audience and their needs.
What young girls in Tamil Nadu need more than education , health facilities and a status equal to that of their brothers is gold.
Voila.
Promise to give all unmarried girls four grams of gold.
Girls must be a burden to the grandparents , parents and brothers so , yes the whole population is targeted.
With the gold prices increasing it is so hard to accumulate a dowry. Thank God ,the government is so compassionate.

Now that the target audience has been dealt with.
Think about the enemy, the fellow contestor . Buy a bit of media and trash him on it as much as you want.
If there is any unwanted news ,dispose it in favour of more important news, advertising all the goodies that people will get when they vote for you.
After all ,your enemy is doing the same.

Development without destruction

Narmada bachao Manav bachao

Guess who got an awesome new digi slr?...meeeeeeeeeee!

So I will exploit this blog now for posting all my random pictures.
yea!
And it's taking toooo long to upload them so will just post one and also coz my friends who are non netty will kill me if I post the rest. Not like everyone on the net is some psycho photo manipulator.
But lots more will be posted later.