Friday, March 31, 2006

This girl called N and I have this intrinsic need to do stupid things. Whether it’s bargaining for a twenty buck brownie at Rex or smelling pickles at nilgiris and getting absorbed enough to miss a lot of the movie!!(Ya, being Cyrus, we missed a precious 15 minutes).

And only we find ourselves so amusing and laugh like retards and feel stoned.
One of the things on the agenda was to hitch a ride back home. So we ignored all the electronic metred autos for twenty minutes clumsily trying to get some car to stop.
Finally one did:
So this man from Haryana stops and we are glad about the air conditioned comfort.
Haryana man: (HM): Haaan so you are fair skinned you must be north Indian.
(N is forced by me to sit in front)
N: hmm hehe haaa actuallllyy…nooo I am south Indian .
H: you are tamilian?
N: No Mangalorean
H: Oh Bangalore and Mangalore not the same thing? I ‘ve been to Mangalore.
N: hmm heee no..Actually (turns around and gives me a sly yet sharp dirty look for getting her into this).
H: Mangalore stinks actually. Whole town. Maney goa mein tho no stink..Aishwarya Rain from there no??
(Wow stinky , largely dark skinned but atleast there’s Aishwarya Rai )
N: ya , but Mangalore has a lot of unexplored beaches . It’s less commercial than Goa.( patriotic, suddenly)
H: I love Goa. In Mangalore , I think near Kudremukh so all iron ores going into water and water is black.
N: hmm
H: Don’t worry haan I am not ‘that type of a guy’. Don’t be scared. In Singapore it is considered normal to give rides to people , here naa mane don’t know what the probleym is .
N: Ya , very true ; you just don’t get autos on Brigade road.( yeah , right)

But then we rightly realised that we can’t bitch about sweet people who offered us rides. Or we’ll have to wait till we can drive cars of our own.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

I am so pissed off.
Because I paid 120 fuckin bucks for a sixty buck auto ride and I just didn't want to argue coz I was just glad to be back home safe.

Went to watch rehearsals of the theatre group whose last production I was part of. It was lovely and I felt like jumping up on stage and ACTING again.

It happens at Tunbridge high school which is made up of those beautiful old Bangalore type buildings. When you walk into the common room there are old women in dresses , all smiling and friendly . There is the smell of wet dogs. (sorry but really that's a smell and it's not as unpleasant as it sounds) .And a jacaranda tree that generously showers blossoms on the playground. Bangalore is full of these gorgeous purple flowers in summer and other flowers too.
It makes you want to forget the lousy traffic, lousier tempered auto drivers and the kacha kacha kacha clutteredness.
And you just smelllll and smile and feel all alive.
Like Spring in those English novels. Anyway Right now I wish a)I had a (fourth hand would do) maruti 800 or small car that I could DRIVE properly and b) I get a chance to ACT...

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

blueberry blues at 17!!!

You are 17 years old!!!

You Are 17 Years Old
Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.
What Age Do You Act?
Oh dear!!!17?
I just bought a whole lot of yummmmmy toileteries- face wash ,shampoo etc etc. And ofcourse I had to come back home and immediately have a bath to test all of these. Hehe.
The woman at health and glow laughed at me the other day because i was relegiously opening all the bottles and smelling the contents..blueberry, cocoa butter whatnot.
And ofcourse i had some ten bucks in my pocket to get back home.
I've lived a full week without a phone after I lost the second phone in three months. I lost the first in Goa. God GOd GOD! I am trying to sound all undepressed but I am fed up of me and this world. I even messaged the thief saying I am a poor girl and to please have pity on me and that I will offer a reward of two hundred rupees . What world am i living in ? ? Tinkle Comics?
Boo Hoo..Tee Hee!!:)

Blank Noise Project

I was at first cynical about the blank noise project. I was wondering whether those 'road side Romeos ' anonymous hands’ will actually read these blogs and think ' Ah, maybe woman do have souls that might feel violated and I should get back to being a good man.' When I read the other posts , they echoed my feelings so much that it was disturbing.

It has achieved a lot. It's made me realise that this problem is as real to other women as it is to me.
That those invisible untraceable hands that grope your body in concerts, in buses don't only target me. There is nothing wrong with me as an individual except that like other woman I am a pair of breasts and ass in the eyes of these men.
Which is why when I use public transport, I wish I could somehow shroud my feminineness.
It's like when your growing up as a girl, the air around you turns oppressive so you hunch so your breasts don't show too much, you stiffen when you are walking alone on a road and you see some man pass by. Can I help it though? Just like I have a left toe and a right ovary, as a human female, I have breasts.
Chances are that the man is innocent and while seemingly he is staring at you, he is actually worrying about getting fired at work. Huge chances at that because there are a lot of wonderful wonderful men in the world.
But isn't that how prejudicing works. You don't want to risk trusting some strange man on the road by walking normally and singing aloud that song stuck in your head. Lest it makes you seem ‘available’ or some ugly connotation like that,
I am saving up all my writing money to backpack in the North. But as a woman alone I'll have to take 70 times more precaution; that is if I am allowed to go at all. Why why why why?
What is the use of all this liberation and independence if I can't walk alone on any road at any time I want.

I remember once (how can I forget ...duh! to me) On Brigade road, on New Year's eve two of my girl friends and I were thrown on the road and felt up by many men. Whoever came joined in! And the male friends who tried to help us were pushed away.

Another male friend , A , asked me after sometime whether I thought I was doing Satyagraha walking on Brigade road on New Years night.
Sadly , a similar echo floated around in my mind. Because , really, How can I expect a thousand men on a road not to treat the few women on a road in a stampede , as fruit baskets, soul- less objects to grab randomly?

How How How do you change things?

Thursday, March 02, 2006

A ragged urchin , aimless and alone,
Loitered about that vacancy;a bird
Flew up to safety from his well aimed stone :
That girls are raped ,that two boys knife a third,
were axioms to him , who'd never heard
Of any world where promises were kept
Or one could weep because another wept.

From 'The Shield of Achilles' by W.H Auden

Mood: disillusioned ...duh!