Tuesday, August 29, 2006

You suck!

I like constructive criticism . I really do. But sometimes I feel criticism is unfair and it buzzes in my head like an unwanted shadow clouding over everything else I do, making me rethink the basis on which I have ANY confidence in myself.
I think we should really think about what we say to people because you might end up saying something that will affect their self concept for ever and it's stupid especially coz you didn't even really mean what you said. Especially to children

How does one react to unfair criticism ?


Prasoon said...

cant agree more to this -
I think we should really think about what we say to people because you might end up saying something that will affect their self concept

how much i wish people could ponder on this..

what i do when i face such situation : go mute n make the person realize that he overstepped the limit - your reaction to the situation should speak it all.. Like say - stage a walkout. It helps me atleast!

cheers :)

Ruchika said...

This post is so relevant to me coz just couple of days back I was talking to someone and suddenly they burst out with a criticism which I felt was unfair, was not called for and was not really true either.. made me think.. am I really who I THINK I am?? or is the way others perceive me TOTALLY different from the way I see myself?! Is the gap that large that this person's criticism is true from the perspective of the rest of the world, but in my eyes is unjust/untrue?!! Really did affect my self-concept for a while! I still dont know how to deal with it.. I tend to lash out at the person, which isn't a good thing either.. so I'm going to be looking at this space to see if anyone provides any answers!! :-)

Truman said...

>>How does one react to unfair criticism ?

By thinking a lot and then being confident about the stand I am about to take. After that I am just about ready for anything that is thrown at me after I take the stand. Thats how I do it. (And I have got hate mails for all this, mind you :P )

You've written this at a much abstracted level, if you'd have dwelled on it further maybe more could be said :)

jax said...

"Unfair" criticism is like a computer virus. It exploits vulnerabilities in your system with the primary intention of fucking with your mind and then breaking down your inner framework of self-confidence.Its a manipulative tool used by many to establish a kind of "peck order".Most of the time, we are busy fuming over the unfair criticism instead of understanding our vulnerabilities better.When we shift our focus and plug in these holes, only then will we learn to take criticism,fair or otherwise, in our stride.

Y? said...

@ prasoon: yeah and be etremely polite and sensible to make the person feel like a fool:) but still if your some scraggly rat and the person has all the power in the world then??
@ ya one hand im thinking hullo do i even know MYSELF and the other im lashing out at the person thinking its coz he/ she is unfair,rude blah blah..but i think maybe the best way to deal with it is to be rational , polite etc etc which i never do !
@truman: Sometime you think a lot and you are completely confident about the stand your about to take and then despite that 'unfair' criticism affects you which is why you wonder if you can ever be confident at all.
abstraction for the lack of anonymity.:(
@psycho stalker: yea i guess if you are consciously aware of the vulnerabilities that will dissolve your 'framework' of confidence you are more prepared to take things in your stride.
and BTW here you are philosophizing in software engineer framework all set to get into harvard b school and im still wondering if i spelt anonymity right and then not even checking...:D

Truman said...

>> "...and then despite that 'unfair' criticism affects you..."

Try to keep it simple. Just unsubscribe to it :)

>>"abstraction for the lack of anonymity"

Are you sure? Lack of it? :)

recreating space said...

but sometimes maybe it hurts most, makes u feel most worthless when it's true?, i'm not saying in this case, but sometimes, because when it's true you feel helpless i think

Y? said...

@truman: as in non anonymous blog won't allow for detailed bitchin sigh sigh sigh and hence its an inarticulate semi angsty outpouring of distressed girl!:)if that made any sense that is

Y? said...

@recreating space: yeah i agree with you. but when it is objectively true it's not unfair.

Truman said...

>>"..if that made any sense that is"

yes, it did :)